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Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Mon Dec 15, 2014, 10:19 PM
What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 27, 2014, 3:50 PM

“Perhaps when we are in love, we are also kind of sad. There is a sadness to the ecstasy. Beautiful things sometimes can make us a little sad, and it is because what they hint at is the exception, a vision of something more, a vision of a hidden door, a rabbit hole to fall through but a temporary one and I think that ultimately that is kind of a tragedy. That is why love simultaneously fills us with melancholy. So that’s why sometimes I feel nostalgic over something I haven’t lost yet, because I see its transience. 

And so, how does one respond to this? Do we love harder? Do we squeeze tighter? Or do we embrace the Buddhist creed of no attachment? Do we pretend not to care that everything and everyone we know is going to be taken away from us? I don’t know if I can accept that. I think I side with the Dylan Thomas quote, “I will not go quietly into that good night but instead rage against the dying of the light.” I think that we defy entropy and impermanence with our films and our poems. I think we hold onto each other a little harder and say I will not let go. I do not accept the ephemeral nature of this moment. I’m going to extend it forever. Or at least I’m going to try.” - Jason Silva

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Fri Oct 3, 2014, 1:06 PM
You say that now..
then comes the day when you see me
and even though you recognize
what you used to feel,
it isn't there anymore.
You wont know where it has gone
you'll dig into the lost memories of yesterday
and there it will remain
washed out with the ebb and flow
in a sea of mundane trivial memories
sloshing around in your grey matter

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 13, 2014, 2:35 PM

I have a place for you in me that is brimming with desire, and a fondness that is more than just trivial want.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 10, 2014, 11:17 PM
I've never told anyone about you until now.
I want this new relationship to be a means to the end of my loneliness with you, because I want something real something more than a superficial shared fantasy of an intangible relationship that could never happen or work in the first place. 
Whatever happens I will always think of you fondly, but I sincerely hope we are never lonely together again. 
May this be goodbye forever. 
So long space cowboy.  

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 31, 2014, 1:49 PM
I'm looking for
that last love

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Fri Aug 15, 2014, 8:50 PM
Last night an idea found its way into my thoughts planting a seed in my mind.. Quickly it took root breaking the surface, and as the night seemed to stretch on past normal hours, vines formed branching and spreading their tendrils like a wild fire. They took hold and intertwined with all of my thoughts consuming them until there was nothing left but dreams of ivy and so much longing--and all because I simply imagined being tucked in at night. :(

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 13, 2014, 10:32 AM
The potential of something good happening is now lost in the memories of yesterday. Each wasted opportunity building your regret, numbing your ability to feel. Slowly disconnecting from your dreams you become the husk of the person you wanted to be.. Who was that again?

Pills and doors

Journal Entry: Sun Aug 10, 2014, 11:35 PM
I lead this pack of wolves. Nip nip nipping at my heels. 


Journal Entry: Sat Jul 26, 2014, 4:18 AM
Some day when the wind blows
wrapping itself around me
raising the little hairs on my arms
I wont be able to describe it

Some day the wind will blow
picking up the crisp leaves
swaying each tender branch
and I will not be able to feel it

Some day while the wind blows
parting the soft hairs on your head
caressing your weathered skin
I will cease to be in your thoughts

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Fri Jul 11, 2014, 3:22 PM
Longing, we say, because desire is full of endless distances - R. Hauss

I measure the distance between us
by the second hand
with each deliberate tick 
the space between us grows
 when there is no A and or/no B
everything will mean nothing
for now I relish in the memories

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Wed Jul 9, 2014, 12:43 PM
"And sometimes when you're on
you're really fucking on

And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking chea."p

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 24, 2014, 1:47 PM
I think I had known you would be walking out of my life forever. It's not easy.. you were so many wonderful, beautiful things, but I could only love you
in the abstract.

Devious Journal Entry

Journal Entry: Sun Nov 10, 2013, 9:17 PM
 "I will not let go. I do not accept the ephemeral nature of this moment. I'm going to extend it forever. Or at least I'm going to try." 
- J. Silva


Journal Entry: Mon Oct 21, 2013, 4:30 PM
I took a drink from an ample stream, a fool to drink.. to drink and not to taste.

set fire

Journal Entry: Wed Sep 25, 2013, 6:49 PM
It has been ages, but I am still burning with the same intensity.... exactly how you left me..